If at first you don’t succeed…

This is my trying again. I’m not good at dieting, please, I eat my emotions away because I don’t know how to deal with them, so anytime something comes up that I can’t handle, I reach for food.

For example: Just this past Wednesday, I had a very rude customer that upset me at work and since I was working, I couldn’t be bitchy with her so I just accepted it and went on. There was pizza in the breakroom, so guess what I did when I had a break? Yeah, at 4 slices of it! In 15 minutes! The joke is on me though, because it wasn’t very good pizza and my stomach wouldn’t let me forget it all night.

I don’t know why I have these impulses, I don’t know why I reach for food whenever I have an emotion I can’t handle, it’s not like I feel better after the “food high” is over… I still have these emotions that still need to be dealt with.

It’s in the past, a few days, but talking about it helps, my boyfriend gets madder than I do about some things so it’s nice when he expresses what I feel inside. I just wish I could express those feelings myself.

As for my trying again on a diet, instead of counting calories, I’m counting carb grams and limiting myself that way. I don’t know if it’s better or worse than counting calories, but it’s a way to make me feel slightly in control of what I’m eating.

Resolutions in Writing

I’ve heard the best way to get your resolutions taken care of is to write them out, for all to see, so that you can be held accountable for what you want. I also heard that writing it helps it manifest by putting it out there in the universe.

1. Lose 1 lb a week, 4 lbs a month. It’s not a lot, but it’s a steady goal.
2. Lift weights 3 times a week. I bought some awesome 2.5 lbs weights for $7 yesterday, so I need to use them.
3. Try to get some kind of exercise in everyday, even if it’s being silly and dancing when I vacuum.
4. Take some me time once a week. I deserve the special attention only I can give myself.
5. Try to get more organized. I easily let things get messy and don’t clean them up instantly, I will work on this.

Failure in Success?

I weigh myself once a week because any more than that I get really discouraged at a small weight gain, but excited at a small weight loss. I have way too many ups and downs through the day and I get tired just being around others. I know there are some people who think that I should check my weight everyday, but to be honest, I can’t have my day ruined because of a .1 kg gain. Unlike some other people who would take that as a sign to work harder, I take it as I sign that I failed and I should just give up.

Last Sunday I gained over a kilogram and was bummed more than I should have been but I was proud of myself for not giving up and trying harder. (As it turned out, I started period the next day. Oh mother nature you kidder, you.) So today I found out I lost weight from last Sunday (yay) but me being me, I was mad I didn’t loose more. I lost 1.5kg, but I should have made up for the week before…

Sometimes I swear I’m crazy. My brain makes no sense. I should be happy that I lost that much weight being sick and on my period, but since I didn’t loose what I gained plus 1.5…

So I’m going to try to work on being happy for my 1.5kg loss, and being closer to my 1st goal.